Take a deep exhale.

I’m here to let you know that the need you feel to please everybody, be well-liked, seen as good, morally upstanding, nice, beautiful and someone who makes everyone else happy…

may not just be a symptom of neurodiversity, a personal character flaw, being a virgo, or a result of your childhood trauma - though all of these can certainly play a role.

It is a symptom of colonialism which introduced us to patriarchy- the belief that men are superior to women and any other gender. In order for folks socialized as women (and all who are not cisgender men) to be semi-respected in a patriarchal society, there are impossible standards to be met.

Women are constantly sent the following messages:

Smile. Be polite and agreeable. Look beautiful. Be thin, but not too thin. Real women have curves, but only in the right places and no cellulite or body rolls! Wear high heels, even if your feet are killing you. Turn us on and wear something to please the male gaze, but...