I got called a "pretendian"... and I'm not over it yet

Pretendian: a pejorative colloquialism describing a person who has falsely claimed Indigenous identity by professing to be a citizen of a Native American or Indigenous Canadian tribal nation, or to be descended from Native American or Indigenous Canadian ancestors.

My background: I'm a Kanyen'kehà:ka/Mohawk (First Nations Canadian) member of the Mohawks of the Bay of Quinte (MBQ) raised in Tyendinaga Mohawk Territory and have mixed Algonquin and European-settler ancestry on my mom's side. Though I have dark features, my skin is a light-olive tone and I can present as white which I recognize is a privilege that affords me day to day safety, preferential treatment and many other benefits. I am always sure to name this privilege as it's important to talk about. 

Well friends, it happened.

I got called a "pretendian" in comments on my Meta ads which run to a "cold" audience (people who don't know me or my work). 

The ads promote my free e-book, a beginner's guide to decolonizing your coaching business.

Perhaps you were one of those "cold" audience members who found my e-book and now you're here - hiiii! 

It's not uncommon to experience "trolls" when you run ads to a cold audience. 

But I want to talk about the extra layers of pain that this trolling can cause when it touches on the subject of identity. This is a topic that has many layers and nuances, especially for folks with mixed ancestry and especially because of the pain brought on by colonialism and the pressure to assimilate to whiteness. 

The first time I received comments questioning my identity with harsh and nasty messages, I shared this video on Instagram with a few thoughts.

I did my somatic practices and used the tools I have (shaking, EFT/tapping, moving my body, crying, etc) and thought I'd let it go.

Then something happened and the pain got re-triggered.

Without going into details, I was basically reminded of just how aggressive the "pretendian hunters" and Indigenous community can get when folks who are not Indigenous are taking up spaces and opportunities that are meant for Indigenous Peoples.

This rage is 100% valid. Pretendians are a real issue and taking up spaces, financial gain, opportunities and benefits that are meant for Indigenous folks as acts of reconciliation. Not to mention how damaging it is to our reputation and sense of trust - hence what's happened to me. 

Their rage, however valid, triggered me because I was reminded of how that same rage was directed at me even though I am in fact Indigenous, grew up on my reserve and still consider it home, have two "full Mohawk" grandparents and father (if we're measuring blood quantum) an am an enrolled member of MBQ meaning I have a "status number/card" as result of the colonial 'Indian Act'. 

But because I have light skin and mixed ancestry, I anticipated comments like this.

Still, they shake me.

Why?

Because it's exhausting defending your identity.

I grew up not feeling native enough for the "rez kids" who had language and culture as a central part of their household. I later simultaneously felt not white enough for my settler-Canadian peers once I went to school off reserve. 

It's a common misconception that every Indigenous person is spiritual and deeply connected to their culture.

BUT OF COURSE WE ARE NOT - look at how much effort went into disconnecting us from it.

Residential Schools.

The Indian Act.

The 60s Scoop.

Google those if you're unfamiliar - this is good learning for National Day for Truth and Reconciliation coming up on September 30th.

All this to say the lateral violence and shaming has got to stop.

Today I cried for the pain that plagues my people for it's not with ill intentions that they say hurtful words to me...

It's because they've already been through so much and lost so much.

You may see me now as a proud Mohawk woman who is rooted in her indigeneity and culture but hear me when I say this has been a journey and it continues to be a journey.

It is full of grief.

It is full of ancestral rage.

It is full of power.

Most of all I think it's full of courage.

So if you're out there on a reclamation journey yourself, working to reclaim what your parents, grandparents and ancestors lost -

I see you and I am with you.

Sending care,

Emily 🍓